I'm under the weather.
So when my husband came home last night from work I decided to go lay down a bit, lest I spread swine flu to my entire family (not really but well, I can be paranoid).
I came out at one point to find out why my almost two year old was screaming "Mom Mom Mom Where are you???!!!" and found a butter wrapper on the floor.
This scenario has played out before:
1. Butter was removed from the fridge by crazy one year old.
2. Butter was unwrapped by crazy one year old with great fine motor skills.
3. Dog was fed said butter.
4. Dog barfed.
5. I cleaned up melted half digested butter off my kitchen floor.
6. Everyone was wicked excited.
So of course I yell to my husband..."have you seen butter???!!"
And of course he looked at me like I had six heads.
Me: "Butter, there's a butter wrapper on the floor."
Him: "No, haven't seen it."
Me: "Damn dog probably ate it. Uggggh CONOR!"
Him: "That sucks."
Me: "You're dang straight that sucks because now the dog is going to puke again and I'm going to have to clean it up. What were you doing while Conor was out here pealing a stick of butter feeding it to the dog?"
Okay, so that was an inappropriate thing to say because Conor is super stealth super fast genius child (said so I don't kill him) and could probably do things a professional illusionist only dreams of. He was however sitting in the den playing video games w/ Aiden.
Then I look in the den.
And sitting straight up on the arm of the couch NEXT to where my husband was sitting was a pristine unwrapped stick of butter.
Then I laughed my ass off.
And the worst thing, hubby had no idea why I was laughing. He didn't even SEE the stick of butter even after I lost my crap laughing at it.
